We have taken the decision to discuss L's condition with him. He has always been an intelligent young man and his issues mostly stem from frustration as a result of some kind of misunderstanding, so we decided to tell him about his condition and what it means.
He took the news with a typical stoicism which he seemed to take as an understanding of why he reacts differently to other people. It helped that we had a book to read with him called "so I have autism" or something like that (I realise I get these details wrong quite often, much to my dear wife's chagrin - if I am wrong on his occasion then I will come back and edit this post.).
It lead a few days later to a discussion which is heart breaking in a sense. L was asking about his autism and wondered if there was any cure.
"not that we know of I'm afraid, we just need to help you live with it"
"can I go back to being unborn and try again?"
Perfectly reasonable question I think, but when delivered with the logic and burning desire to change things, it was somewhat heartbreaking.
It was my wife who was asked so I tell this story from her perspective (and again likely with a load of details missing or wrong!) but it was nevertheless very affecting for us all.